Note: This blog is for teenage boys and young men in their early twenties who find themselves developing a crush or falling in love with a beautiful girl. Often, these guys might be introverted, not very wealthy, or not blessed with looks like Brad Pitt. I believe the information provided here is crucial for answering some important questions. My hope is that this blog helps young men see things more clearly and gain valuable insights.
As we grow up and enter puberty, we often experience attractions toward people of the opposite gender. These attractions can vary greatly and are commonly categorized as crushes, infatuations, or even love. It’s normal to develop crushes on classmates, neighbors, or later on, college peers and coworkers. Many of us have multiple crushes throughout our lives, and sometimes these feelings can evolve into one-sided love, especially if we don’t have many friends, including those from the opposite gender who are particularly attractive.
I have to confess, most of the time, these crushes we have are pure in nature, meaning there is no sexual aspect involved. I’m talking about boys here, and I’ve seen this with myself and others around me. However, keep in mind that not every boy feels this way, as the opposite cases are also quite common.
The fantasy of ending up with our crush is so magical, and seeing our crush at school or college, making eye contact with her, or having a short conversation with her is truly amazing—I fully understand this. However, I’ve also seen the other side of it because I know that all the things we imagine will never happen, and she won’t suddenly start taking an interest in you.
So, is it worth pursuing someone you have a crush on? Here are several factors to consider:
1. Understanding
Do you genuinely understand your crush’s personality and behavior? Sometimes, what seems like romantic interest from your crush might just be their general kindness. Reflect on whether you can offer the same level of care and kindness in return.
If you’re someone who feels unfulfilled and seeks comfort from others but struggles to reciprocate, it might indicate a mismatch. Use this as an opportunity for personal growth. Working on yourself can increase the chances of a future connection, but it’s crucial to see your crush realistically. There’s also a chance you might learn something about your crush that bursts the pink bubble of your feelings.
2. Mindset Differences
Everyone has different perspectives on success and happiness. Your crush may have different values, beliefs, and goals compared to yours. These differences might include food preferences, political views, or spiritual beliefs. Understanding and accepting each other’s mindsets requires maturity and emotional strength.
If your mindsets are too different, the chances of a long-term connection diminish. Successful couples often share common values and goals, even if their perspectives aren’t identical. While it’s possible to change your mindset, it takes time, effort, and experience. Even then, there’s no guarantee that you will evolve into someone who can handle the mindset of your crush. Forcing things doesn’t help and will make you look foolish in the long run.
3. Attractiveness
It’s common to feel that your crush is out of your league, especially if they seem more attractive than you. This can be tough to accept, but remember that physical appearance isn’t everything, though in some cases it might seem that way.
If you think you could improve your appearance with effort, such as through exercise or updating your wardrobe, use this as motivation for personal growth. Becoming the best version of yourself boosts your confidence and helps you feel better, regardless of your crush’s reaction. Everyone, no matter how good-looking they are, often wants an attractive person in their life. If you’re not blessed with looks, it’s tough luck, my friend.
4. Family Dynamics
Family background can play a significant role in relationships. If your family dynamics are vastly different from your crush’s family, it may impact the potential for a future together. For example, someone from a supportive and loving family might struggle to adjust to a family with frequent conflicts or a broken structure. While you can’t change your family, understanding how these dynamics might affect your relationship is important if you’re considering a future with your crush.
5. Compatibility
Evaluate your compatibility with your crush based on various aspects. Do you know her well? Are you aware of her future plans, likes, and dislikes? Are your family backgrounds compatible? Significant mismatches in these areas may suggest reconsidering the pursuit. It’s crucial to align yourself with her values and interests and work on becoming compatible before even seriously trying.
I know of a case where a Hindu guy fell in love with a Muslim girl who wasn’t initially interested in him. However, she was very committed to Islam and told him that if he converted to Islam, she might consider marrying him. He converted, and they did marry, but this type of compatibility is not healthy. Changing your whole existence for someone isn’t advisable.
Maintain your uniqueness and don’t compromise important aspects of yourself to win someone over. For example, if you’re a vegetarian and your crush is a hardcore non-vegetarian, don’t start eating meat just to hang out with her during lunch breaks in college. The point is to stay true to yourself and not change fundamental things about who you are just to get a girl or boy.
6. Being a Provider
If you are financially secure or capable of providing a comfortable lifestyle, it can influence your chances with someone, especially if they are materialistic. Financial stability can sometimes overshadow other aspects, but it’s important to ensure that any relationship is built on mutual respect and genuine connection, not just material benefits.
If you are not financially capable of taking your crush on a date to a decent restaurant, then what is the point of even trying to impress her? Comfort is important for a girl, and if you can’t provide that, you need to work on yourself and get to a position where you can offer certain things to her.
7. Time
Time can be a crucial factor when pursuing a crush. In some situations, you might have the opportunity to grow and develop yourself, which could improve your chances in the future. For example, if you’re in college and feel outmatched, using this time to work on yourself can help you become a better match.
However, if you and your crush are already in your late twenties, you might not have enough time for significant changes. At this stage, many people start considering marriage, and you may not have the time needed to make the changes required to attract or impress your crush.
Is Pursuing Your Crush Worth It?
So, is it worth pursuing your crush and trying to make them your future partner? Often, the answer is no. This is because, when we find someone attractive, we may want them in our lives just as we desire the latest iPhone. This is human nature, but it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good idea to pursue that person.
When we buy something we don’t need, we often regret it later. The same applies to crushes: we may want them, but if they don’t want or need us, it’s clearly a no.
Here’s another perspective that might help answer the question:
- Assess Your Feelings: Reflect on the points discussed in this blog and get to know your crush better. Consider whether you truly believe there is no one better for you. If your answer is “no,” you acknowledge that the world is full of people, and there are likely others who might be a better match.
- Self-Image: If you answer “yes,” it might indicate an issue with your self-image. You might be placing too much value on having this person in your life, similar to how people might seek validation from wearing branded clothes. This can lead to a situation where you are like a dog chasing a car—excited but unsure what to do once you catch it.
- Personal Growth: Instead of focusing solely on pursuing your crush, invest your energy into improving yourself—your studies, career, physical health, and mental well-being. By becoming a better version of yourself, you increase your self-worth and create more opportunities for meaningful connections.
- Future Opportunities: By working on your personal development, you may find that your crush comes back into your life when you are better equipped to handle the relationship, or you may meet someone who is an even better fit.
Not only will focusing on yourself save time and avoid potential awkwardness, but it will also spare you from embarrassing situations. Telling your crush that you like them can create awkward moments. I’ve had multiple instances where this happened, and looking back, I realize how foolish I was. If I had known better, I would have acted differently. At that time, I wasn’t growing, learning, or experiencing new things. Instead, I was constantly thinking about my crush in my free time, which was very distracting. This distraction can negatively affect your studies if you’re a student or your performance if you’re working.
When Pursuing Your Crush Might Be Worth It
Expressing your feelings to your crush, even if you’re introverted, not wealthy, or conventionally handsome, is okay if the differences between you and your crush can be bridged in a few years with effort.
For example, she might come from a well-off family, but if you’re studying to become an engineer or doctor, you could be in a position to confidently ask for her hand once your studies are complete. In such cases, pursuing your crush might be worthwhile.
However, for most people, the answer is still no. So, it’s better to focus on your studies, career, and health. When the time is right, the right people will come into your life.
Final Thoughts
In summary, pursuing a crush without focusing on your personal growth is unlikely to lead to a fulfilling outcome. Concentrate on becoming the best version of yourself. If you obsess over your crush and engage in actions to impress them, you might stall your own progress. Instead, invest in your own development.
This approach will enhance your life and increase your chances of meeting someone who truly aligns with you. By focusing on your growth, you’ll naturally become a more attractive and authentic person, which is far more appealing than any superficial effort to win someone over.
I’ll end this blog by saying that you should focus on your studies and strive to become the best version of yourself and a successful individual.
If you found this blog helpful, please share it with your family, friends, and anyone who might be dealing with a crush that could negatively impact their mental health.
